WEBVTT 00:00.040 --> 00:04.140 so 00:04.140 --> 00:06.251 I am master generic snipes . I am the 00:06.251 --> 00:08.040 current program manager for the 00:08.040 --> 00:10.207 multipurpose canine with Marine forces 00:10.207 --> 00:12.262 Special operations command and I was 00:12.262 --> 00:15.190 actually a prior dog trainer and 00:15.190 --> 00:17.301 handler instructor for the three 41st 00:17.301 --> 00:19.710 training squadron and I am here to talk 00:19.710 --> 00:22.240 about my sobriety and seven years being 00:22.240 --> 00:24.351 sober and the process that it took to 00:24.351 --> 00:26.407 get there to start off with . I have 00:26.407 --> 00:28.640 kind of a history of , of alcoholic 00:28.650 --> 00:31.370 issues , my dad , my brother and then 00:31.380 --> 00:35.360 myself and I really started to become 00:35.740 --> 00:38.070 dependent on it after I returned from a 00:38.070 --> 00:40.130 deployment in order to sleep for the 00:40.130 --> 00:42.297 first two or three years it was asleep 00:42.297 --> 00:44.352 and then after that it was because I 00:44.352 --> 00:44.340 really liked the feeling of it . So 00:44.340 --> 00:47.520 everything that we do kind of revolves 00:47.520 --> 00:49.576 around alcohol . So then you kind of 00:49.576 --> 00:51.742 get together that we have Stephens who 00:51.742 --> 00:53.798 gatherings , you know there's always 00:53.798 --> 00:56.020 alcohol involved . So I never saw it as 00:56.020 --> 00:58.020 a problem . The time that I started 00:58.020 --> 01:00.131 figuring out that it was , is when my 01:00.131 --> 01:02.353 wife was noticing that I was drinking a 01:02.353 --> 01:05.570 lot and I was sneak drinking uh she 01:05.570 --> 01:07.700 would never really see me drink and 01:07.700 --> 01:10.440 then all of a sudden I'd be drunk but I 01:10.440 --> 01:13.590 never , I never wanted to change , I 01:13.590 --> 01:15.812 didn't care . That's just what I wanted 01:15.812 --> 01:19.460 to do . It became pretty 01:19.460 --> 01:21.460 apparent that I was dependent on it 01:21.460 --> 01:24.020 when I got here to san Antonio texas 01:24.030 --> 01:26.197 and I was training dogs and I couldn't 01:26.197 --> 01:28.252 think about not drinking . So during 01:28.252 --> 01:30.474 the day I would be doing my job and any 01:30.474 --> 01:32.641 chance that I had and break that I had 01:32.641 --> 01:34.641 I would think about drinking in the 01:34.641 --> 01:36.808 house soon I can get home and just had 01:36.808 --> 01:38.974 my first drink and and then how fast I 01:38.974 --> 01:41.141 can get drunk after that . The problem 01:41.141 --> 01:43.252 with me is I can't just have one . It 01:43.252 --> 01:45.141 would be impossible . And if if I 01:45.141 --> 01:48.030 started there's no stopping it , I'll 01:48.030 --> 01:51.020 just go black out . I started doing 01:51.020 --> 01:53.187 things that as an alcoholic , you have 01:53.187 --> 01:55.298 these rules that you don't do right , 01:55.298 --> 01:57.590 drinking and driving and and things of 01:57.590 --> 01:59.701 that nature you just don't do . And I 01:59.701 --> 02:01.590 started breaking some rules . And 02:01.590 --> 02:03.757 that's when it started freaking me out 02:03.757 --> 02:05.923 a little bit like this was a problem . 02:05.923 --> 02:08.201 But the thought of getting A D . U . I . 02:08.201 --> 02:10.423 As a staff sergeant In the Marine Corps 02:10.423 --> 02:09.820 that would ruin my career , right ? So 02:09.820 --> 02:11.876 that was absolutely terrifying . And 02:11.876 --> 02:13.709 this was near the end . This was 02:13.709 --> 02:16.250 probably 2,014 time frame . And it 02:16.250 --> 02:18.361 started getting really bad at the end 02:18.361 --> 02:21.290 when I could actually physically feel 02:21.290 --> 02:25.200 my liver . I was having bad dreams . I 02:25.200 --> 02:27.780 was having basically hallucinations 02:27.780 --> 02:30.380 from from the alcohol because I was I 02:30.380 --> 02:32.900 mean , I was drinking nearly a handle a 02:32.900 --> 02:35.122 day , probably two thirds of a handle a 02:35.122 --> 02:37.233 day . And then on the weekend I could 02:37.233 --> 02:39.567 drink three handles easily , no problem . 02:39.567 --> 02:41.622 And at the same time , I'm mowing my 02:41.622 --> 02:43.789 yard doing woodwork . I don't know how 02:43.789 --> 02:45.844 many times that I was doing woodwork 02:45.844 --> 02:45.810 and I'm like , oh my God , I almost 02:45.820 --> 02:48.630 just chopped my finger off . So that's 02:48.640 --> 02:50.696 it was , it was starting to become a 02:50.696 --> 02:52.807 wake up call . It was slow going . It 02:52.807 --> 02:54.973 took about a year of me doing a lot of 02:54.973 --> 02:54.870 dumb stuff and just somehow getting 02:54.870 --> 02:57.590 away with it . The hardest thing I 02:57.590 --> 02:59.590 think I've ever done in my life and 02:59.590 --> 03:01.646 this is legit , I've I've deployed , 03:01.646 --> 03:03.757 I've been in combat , I've done a lot 03:03.757 --> 03:05.979 of things that a lot of people would be 03:05.979 --> 03:07.812 you know , considered to be very 03:07.812 --> 03:10.050 difficult . The most difficult thing in 03:10.050 --> 03:13.490 my life was to go to my operations 03:13.500 --> 03:16.240 chief masks aren't wildman . I'll 03:16.240 --> 03:18.407 remember him for the rest of my life . 03:18.407 --> 03:20.518 Um and tell them that I had a problem 03:20.518 --> 03:23.550 that alcohol was affecting everything 03:23.550 --> 03:25.772 that I was doing and then I needed help 03:25.772 --> 03:27.994 and I didn't know where to go Even as a 03:27.994 --> 03:30.161 staff sergeant at the time and the six 03:30.161 --> 03:32.328 in the Marine Corps I I had an idea of 03:32.328 --> 03:34.590 the resources that I had but without 03:34.590 --> 03:36.870 his help guiding me sending me over 03:36.870 --> 03:39.092 there and and counseling me as what I'm 03:39.092 --> 03:41.148 going through this process . I don't 03:41.148 --> 03:43.370 know if I ever would have done it . The 03:43.370 --> 03:45.426 next step was actually getting a bed 03:45.426 --> 03:47.481 for the impatient sark the substance 03:47.481 --> 03:49.660 abuse rehabilitation center at point 03:49.660 --> 03:52.800 Loma in SAn Diego Five days 03:52.800 --> 03:55.660 detox 35 days . Another another 03:55.660 --> 03:58.180 transport down to the point Loma in 35 03:58.180 --> 04:01.060 days inpatient where it was some of the 04:02.140 --> 04:05.010 the hardest treatment that I think I 04:05.010 --> 04:07.066 could ever go through because it was 04:07.066 --> 04:09.177 affecting my mind like why I actually 04:09.390 --> 04:11.557 you know started drinking what was the 04:11.557 --> 04:13.612 root cause of all this and trying to 04:13.612 --> 04:16.610 figure that out . I was not used to 04:16.610 --> 04:18.666 having to talk about my feelings . I 04:18.666 --> 04:20.888 was not used to having to write down in 04:20.888 --> 04:22.890 a diary of what I thought about 04:22.950 --> 04:26.370 everyday life . I mean it was it was 04:26.370 --> 04:28.592 interesting but it was great because it 04:28.592 --> 04:30.814 took me out of that . It took me out of 04:30.814 --> 04:32.981 my environment to to do a hard reset . 04:33.640 --> 04:35.751 It was very resistant for roughly the 04:35.751 --> 04:37.751 first week , right , everybody's in 04:37.751 --> 04:39.640 there when we're talking in these 04:39.640 --> 04:41.640 groups And even even when I went to 04:41.640 --> 04:43.980 alcoholics anonymous afterwards and 04:43.990 --> 04:46.101 even the counseling for the 12 months 04:46.101 --> 04:48.750 afterwards um very resistant . I didn't 04:48.750 --> 04:51.530 want to open up and I don't know why 04:51.530 --> 04:53.752 but one day it clicked and that was the 04:53.752 --> 04:56.720 one time that I can remember in a long 04:56.720 --> 05:00.550 time then I cried right that I really 05:02.760 --> 05:04.982 identify that out of a problem and that 05:04.982 --> 05:08.310 if I didn't fix it and seek help and 05:08.310 --> 05:10.366 really just opened myself up to what 05:10.366 --> 05:12.910 others were offering me . I don't know , 05:12.910 --> 05:15.021 something clicked during that session 05:15.021 --> 05:17.132 and I just I just started bawling . I 05:17.132 --> 05:19.021 don't think I talked more than 30 05:19.021 --> 05:21.354 seconds and I just couldn't stop crying . 05:21.354 --> 05:21.320 And then after that it was it was easy 05:21.330 --> 05:23.441 because something unlocked in my mind 05:23.441 --> 05:26.800 and my my person is 05:26.810 --> 05:29.230 interesting being a dog handler on a 05:29.230 --> 05:31.452 trainer , I kind of understand a little 05:31.452 --> 05:33.674 bit of the principles of conditioning . 05:33.674 --> 05:35.674 So once I had it made up in my mind 05:35.674 --> 05:37.841 that I was going to stop drinking that 05:37.841 --> 05:39.990 it was going to kill me one day I 05:39.990 --> 05:43.640 started to think back and associate my 05:43.650 --> 05:46.080 alcohol use with negative effects . 05:46.080 --> 05:48.220 Right ? So instead of think of it as 05:48.220 --> 05:50.442 positive where you see on commercials , 05:50.442 --> 05:52.664 the only time that you can have fun was 05:52.664 --> 05:54.887 at a party with alcohol or on the beach 05:54.887 --> 05:54.760 with alcohol . Everything that you do 05:54.760 --> 05:56.982 in your life is the only way it's gonna 05:56.982 --> 05:59.149 be fun is with alcohol . I was looking 05:59.149 --> 06:01.093 back at all the things between the 06:01.093 --> 06:02.927 conversations with my wife , the 06:02.927 --> 06:02.810 arguments , everything that we were 06:02.810 --> 06:05.040 going through and associating that with 06:05.040 --> 06:07.262 negative and that's , that's what I had 06:07.262 --> 06:09.429 to do constantly the other resources , 06:09.429 --> 06:11.429 my command , You know , some people 06:11.429 --> 06:13.484 think a lot of people don't even say 06:13.484 --> 06:15.810 most military think that if you have a 06:15.810 --> 06:19.170 problem and you admit it to your 06:19.180 --> 06:21.760 command , whether it is alcohol abuse 06:21.770 --> 06:23.714 or any kind of anger management or 06:23.714 --> 06:25.881 anything like that , that you're gonna 06:25.881 --> 06:25.770 be shunned , you're gonna be turned 06:25.770 --> 06:28.870 away absolutely the exact opposite . I 06:28.870 --> 06:31.037 think the strongest thing that you can 06:31.037 --> 06:33.092 do as an individual and as a service 06:33.092 --> 06:35.259 member is to acknowledge that you have 06:35.259 --> 06:37.314 a problem and reach out because your 06:37.314 --> 06:39.481 command , if they're worth anything at 06:39.481 --> 06:39.450 all , they're gonna do everything in 06:39.450 --> 06:42.240 their power to help you out . And so I 06:42.240 --> 06:44.407 tell my command when I check in higher 06:44.407 --> 06:46.573 up . If they run into marines that are 06:46.573 --> 06:48.740 having issues or civilians or anything 06:48.740 --> 06:50.796 that's within the commander , having 06:50.796 --> 06:50.750 issues come to me , I can help them out . 06:50.750 --> 06:52.790 I can show them that this isn't the 06:52.790 --> 06:55.012 career ender that everybody thinks that 06:55.012 --> 06:58.720 it is and it's the exact opposite . The 06:58.720 --> 07:00.942 part of seeking treatment is as much as 07:00.942 --> 07:03.109 you want to put into it . If you don't 07:03.109 --> 07:05.331 want to do anything about it , then you 07:05.331 --> 07:07.498 can ruin yourself . But as long as you 07:07.498 --> 07:09.498 put forth some effort , your career 07:09.498 --> 07:10.609 will be just fine . 07:20.140 --> 07:22.660 Mhm , mm hmm .