WEBVTT

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- Some may want to talk
about the number of suicides

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in the Air Force or the statistics,

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but I just can't do that,

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because those who have committed suicide

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are more than a number.

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They're more than a statistic.

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They're real people.

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They're real people who really matter

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to real people who really love them.

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And so today we're gonna
share a couple of stories

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of real people who chose
to take their lives

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or attempted to take their
lives, who really mattered.

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And they want to tell these
stories because you matter.

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They want you to know that you matter

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and that you're loved and
that you're not alone.

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And here are their stories.

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- When Kayleigh was a
sophomore in high school

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was when she really began to struggle.

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One minute she was dancing
semi-professionally

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in the Nutcracker, and the next moment,

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she was laying on the floor telling me

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that she wanted to end her life.

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- My brother was somebody special.

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My brother is somebody special.

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Benjamin will always be
somebody special, always.

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- Life's not always been good to me,

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and the thoughts in my
head have been worse.

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I've battled with depression,
suicidal thoughts,

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and just really wanted to die.

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- It came to a point where we thought

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we were gonna go from a family
of five to a family of four.

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Our family got turned upside down

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in a matter of days really,

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and it was tough, it was scary.

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- Our daughter tried to
commit suicide six times,

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and we were not prepared.

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We didn't know what was going on.

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It was an out-of-body-experiencing,

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experience that nobody could
ever plan for or prepare for.

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It devastated our
family, it devastated me.

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I don't, it's hard to put
into words what happened.

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Everything that we knew was gone.

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Our whole life imploded,

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and our family was completely dismantled.

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And there was a lot of despair,

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and I never ever thought that
we were gonna make it out.

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- I think, I think getting through it

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as a family was exactly
that, just being a family.

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I think we have a strong
relationship, fortunately,

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and just relying on each other.

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And, you know, I had to have
a lot of confidence in Anna

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'cause I was geographic several,

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and so she was the first
responder, if you will,

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for a lot of these situations.

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And knowing that she was there

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to handle that was extremely helpful.

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- Ever since he was little,
everyone always said,

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"There's just something about that kid.

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"I just want to give him a hug."

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"There's just something
about this Ben, this boy.

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"There's just something about him."

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But he broke after he
was sexually assaulted,

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and it was just a downward
spiral from there.

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But what happened to my
brother is he couldn't take

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any of that hurt, any of that
guilt, any of that shame,

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any of that fear anymore,

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and he took his own life.

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He was 16, three months shy of turning 17.

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He took his own life.

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- Thankfully for me, I had a young airman,

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Airman 1st Class Matthew
Sheber, who held out hope to me.

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For three years, I did
not cling to that hope,

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but again, thankfully, he was persistent

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in holding out that hope.

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And when I was at my lowest,
I finally clung to that hope.

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- I've been in just a
little over 25 years,

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and unfortunately have
dealt with a actual suicide

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in the unit when I was a lieutenant,

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and then I've had a few incidences
since Kayleigh's incident

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where people had suicidal ideations.

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I think having gone through
Kayleigh's situation

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has definitely made me more comfortable

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to talk through those
situations and help people out.

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But honestly, the biggest thing

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to get through those
situations was just making sure

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that the, you know, the airmen
that were struggling knew

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that I was there for them.

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And then above and, you know, beyond that,

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obviously, I'm not a professional,

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so referring them to the
proper treatment as well

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and then just kinda following
up and being there for them

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throughout their whole process.

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(mellow instrumental music)

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- In 2016, I was struggling.

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In 2016, I was suicidal.

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In 2016, I didn't want to be alive.

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I got better by putting in the hard work.

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I got better by going to
therapy, going to mental health.

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I got better by talking to
chaplains, going to church,

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surrounding myself with people

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I knew who cared about
me and who I cared about.

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It was a long road.

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It was a lot of crying.

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It was a lot of digging deep.

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It was a lot of secrets.

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It was awful going through
therapy, but it helped.

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It made me realize that I
have to feel the feelings.

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I have to feel the emotions.

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I have to go through, not
go under, not go around,

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not go any other way except through

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whatever was in front of me,

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because otherwise, it
would come back worse.

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And so if I didn't deal with it then,

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I would deal with it later,

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and I didn't want to do that anymore.

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I was tired of doing that,

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so I went and got the help I needed.

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I want to be alive again.

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I wanted to be alive
mostly for my siblings.

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That was my, that was my why at the time.

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Now, my why is I want to be alive for me.

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I want to be alive for
this journey called life.

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I want to be alive.

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(mellow instrumental music)

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- I don't know your story.

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I don't know where
you're at in your story,

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but I hope that you find hope.

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I hope that your find hope,

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because you're a real person

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who really matters to real
people who really love you.

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And if you still need help,

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you're still struggling with
how to make something beautiful

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out of whatever mess it is
that you think you're in,

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call someone, call on ENFLAC,

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call mental health,
reach out to a chaplain.

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Your religion doesn't matter, but you do.

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You matter to me.

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You matter to those who love you.

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You are not alone.

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