WEBVTT

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- I'd like to introduce our
next speaker, Dr. Mollie Marti

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is the founding CEO of the
National Resilience Institute.

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As a social psychologist,
attorney and resilience researcher

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she trains and consults internationally

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in the fields of education,
military, crisis response

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and work life resilience.

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Dr. Marti's Resiliency Matters TV show

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provides resilience education directly

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to more than 250,000 households,

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and her books on psychology and leadership

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have been translated into eight languages.

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Her personal place of
thriving is an apple orchard

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in the scenic northeast Iowa.

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And a little personal factoid,
when she was growing up,

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her mother used to tell her
that she could be anything

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that she wanted to be,

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and Dr. Mollie Marti said
that she wanted to be a bear.

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So her family, from time to
time, will call her Bear.

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Ladies and gentleman,
welcome Dr. Mollie Marti.

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(applauding)

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- You've been talking
to my sister! (laughs)

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Thank you.

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A family story, my sister's
here and that's the danger

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of traveling with family,
get some of the dirt.

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Yes, I was very disappointed
when I had a fight

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with my brother because
my mom insisted I could be

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who and what I wanted to be.

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She raised six very strong women,

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and my brother, Steve, said
"No, you can't be a bear,

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"you're a human," and I
said, "Mom said I can be."

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And the look on her face, I
recognize that as a mother,

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the first time I disappointed my child,

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she meant anything as a human.

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So, she was a great inspiration.

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Appropriately, I'm starting
out with a photo of my mom.

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There was one story that
my mom couldn't tell

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without tears in her eyes
until the day she died,

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and that was about her brother, Tom.

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They were best buddies, close in age,

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and when my mom was 20 years
old, Tom went off to war

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to join their older brother,
Jim, who already was serving.

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And my dad was also serving at that time.

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My mom didn't know that
yet, but she would go on

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and marry him and they
would have 13 children,

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so it's probably good she
didn't know that at that time.

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I'm number 12.

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One day, my mom was sitting on
the steps at grandma's house

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and she says, according to her,

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how she would tell this
story, "I felt Tom come

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"and sit down next to me,
and he said, Kate, I'm okay,

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"it's all okay, tell mother I'm okay."

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And so my mom went to my grandma
and told her what happened,

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and said, "Mom, I think Tom died."

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The MIA showed up that next
week, followed by a confirmation

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of death.

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I think you already know,
based on the initial speakers,

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you're gonna hear a lot
of amazing stories today.

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Military is one place I
have yet to meet anyone

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who is serving, anyone who
so passionately supports

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those of you who serve, who doesn't have

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that pivotal, life-defining
story that explains a lot

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about why they are doing
what they're doing.

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Today you will hear stories of heroism,

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you will hear stories of loss,

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you will hear stories of
resilience and of hope

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and of strength, and
you'll also hear research,

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but I really believe
it's through our stories,

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and the research shows
it's through our stories,

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that we can make meaning,
and we can process trauma,

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and we can create new
narratives of hope and healing

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and connection.

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And we can come together
and tell stories together,

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and really ask about what kind
of world we want to live in,

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and what kind of world
do we want to create

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and hand off to our children
and future generations?

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This is part of my research story.

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At the time I found my way to this work,

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I wasn't looking for it.

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I had spent about a decade working

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in competitive environments,
started with D1 athletes,

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worked up to world and Olympic athletes,

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expanded to corporate athletes,

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and that was my world of
researching and coaching

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and writing.

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When my community, this top photo here,

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looks like Mayberry, USA,
town of 4,000 in Iowa.

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It's won awards for the most
beautiful town in America.

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The day started, what I
most recall, initially,

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is I received a text
from my 16-year-old son

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and he said, mom, we're
having a drill at school,

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it's just a drill, I'm fine, I love you.

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I was having coffee with a
colleague and that came up,

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and we are a loving family,
but when your 16-year-old kid

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texts you in the middle of
the day and says I love you,

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the hair on your arm goes up.

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And so I quickly logged on to my email

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to see if there was
something going on at school,

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and by then a church line from this town

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was reporting there was an
active shooter in the school,

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calling on people to pray for the shooter,

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pray for the kids.

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So I started to hightail it.

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To be met by police tape,
and there was a helicopter.

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It wasn't an active shooter,
there was misinformation.

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There was a teenager who had
attempted to take his life

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in school, and they couldn't
tell yet if that was self-harm

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or to be perpetrated on him.

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He was life flighted out
and dies a few days later,

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and within six months, we
had lost two other teens

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to suicide and we had a lot
more kids going to the hospital.

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The last two boys were just
a couple of weeks apart

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and, yet again, I got a
phone call early morning,

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I was in a position to
have to tell my children,

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and my son said, "No,
mom, that's not possible."

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They were running cross
country and track together,

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and he said, "He just
borrowed something from me,

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"and he gave to back to
me yesterday, and, no."

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He just had such a hard
time processing that,

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and it was one of those moments
that laid itself on my heart

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and I thought what kind
of world can we live in

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where this is okay?

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And this is becoming common place.

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Our kids are taking their
lives, and it's not okay,

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and it's not okay that our
military are taking lives

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at the rate that it's happening.

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And that's why we know we're
all coming together today

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to have this conversation
and to share information.

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And so, at that time, I
was teaching as an adjunct

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at the University of Iowa,
in the Department of Psych.

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I stepped away from that
but I knew from my time

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as an educator, I needed to
learn and I needed to teach.

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I knew I had a lot to learn,

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because I had been focusing on performance

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in competitive environments
and I was being, basically,

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asked to become a traumatologist,

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and then to integrate those two worlds.

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And so we looked around
the world and we started

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what was called a community
resiliency project,

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and I thought where can we go
to learn the best information

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the most quickly?

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And we settled on the
Israel Trauma Coalition,

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a non-political, non-partizan
group that has been working

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in the area of trauma and
resilience for years, in Israel.

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So we took a team of three
over, did an immersion training,

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and learned a tremendous amount.

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This bottom picture's a school in Israel,

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and throughout in the south,
in the whole of Israel,

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you'll hear from Mia in details
about her work in Israel

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and the great work of NATAL today.

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But the whole country's
mapped out in code red

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and how long you have
to get under the shelter

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to avoid incoming or shrapnel,

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and in the south, you have 15 seconds.

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And we heard heart-wrenching
stories of, for example,

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a mother who had three children

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and she grabbed the two youngest,

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thinking her four-year-old is old enough

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and would safely make way to
shelter, and she was wrong,

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and lost the child.

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And it was here where I
just had this epiphany

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that they do such a good
job of understanding

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where they need to be and when,

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in order to survive, and
that's not resilience,

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that's survival.

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And yet, even within those type of demands

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that they live with daily,

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there are still opportunities
and they were being

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very innovative in finding
ways toward those opportunities

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to create connection, and
meaning, and purpose, and joy,

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and I thought, that's resilience.

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And these two things exist together.

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But it was a pivotal
moment in my personal story

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of resilience.

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So one thing I've always, I've
been an applied psychologist

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before I was a psychologist,

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the legal training probably
has a lot to do with this,

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but I'm very applied and
I like to do my deep-dives

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into research, I do get
my geek on with that,

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and then I try to create
useful information

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about what I've learned in the research.

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So we created several models,
and this THRIVE model is one

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that has had wide application,
starting in education,

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but then into other fields.

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Not gonna go into detail
on the THRIVE model,

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but it is on the NRI website,
and it will walk you through

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these six capacity builders.

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The research shows that
the number one factor

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that we need to stabilize our
lives and to grow strength

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and resilience is trusted relationships.

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And then high expectations,

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that's not about requiring more and more,

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but it's about requiring as
high a level for each individual

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and then providing that
appropriate support,

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but really taking into
account their psychological

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and physical readiness in
continuing to help them grow.

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Resilience skills, we're gonna
talk about throughout the day

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but I'll give more time to that as well.

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Involvement, we are designed to make

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meaningful contributions,
contributions we find meaningful,

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to each other, to our
tribe, to our communities.

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Vision, hope is something
that sounds soft,

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and there's a science of hope,

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and hope is life
strengthening and life saving,

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and often we need someone
else to hold hope for us

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when we can't grasp it.

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And so we serve that
purpose for each other.

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And then really co-creating a
positive future for ourselves

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and for each other.

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And enrichment, none of what
we're talking about today

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is a one and done, it's an ongoing process

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of how do we really mobilize communities

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to provide whole community,
whole person supports

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that nourish us, mind,
body, emotions and spirit.

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So what I'm gonna do
today is kind of go under

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the THRIVE model and bring
up three core principles

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that underline the research,
the science of resilience.

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And the first truth is that all behavior

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is expressing a need.

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All behavior is expressing a need,

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and we can get so caught
up in that behavior

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is driving me crazy, or
why are you doing that?

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And when we start to
shift to truly understand

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that we all have these core human needs,

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and we're trying to get
them met the best way,

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in that moment, we know how.

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So what are the core needs?

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The research shows that
we need a sense of safety,

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both physically and
emotionally, psychologically.

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We need a sense of belonging,
we need connection,

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we need to feel that we are
seen and heard and valued.

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We have a need of purpose,
to have meaning in our life,

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to know that we're making a
difference for someone else.

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The research actually
shows that if you know

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when you wake up in the morning,

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when your feet hit the
ground and you know why

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you're getting up and
who you're gonna go help,

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you have that purpose, on average,

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you'll live seven years longer

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than if you wake up and
it's just another day.

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So purpose is a very
powerful factor in our lives,

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that's Dan Buettner's research.

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And we need a sense of competence.

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We are more resilient
when the world recognizes

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that we're good at something.

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Within a sense of competence
we also have to have a sense

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of control over an important
aspect of our life,

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and we have to feel that
we have the resources

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and can use those resources
to meet our goals,

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to get what we want.

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So these are our four core human needs.

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You can be the pope, you
can be the president,

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we all have these needs.

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And I think it can be
really helpful to say okay,

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what happens in the
absence of these needs?

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In the absence of these needs we get to

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this bottom statement, we feel
threatened, we feel isolated,

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we feel useless, and we feel powerless.

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And when that happens, it will
erode our sense of wellbeing,

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it will erode our resilience.

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We can't really talk about human needs,

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especially in your context,
without acknowledging the impact

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of trauma, trauma impacts
how we see ourselves,

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how we see each other,
and how we see the world.

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One of the best resources
that we share out,

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it's a book, if you're a
reader, by David Morris.

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He was a journalist, he served
in combat, he wasn't wounded,

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he came back, he went back as a journalist

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and he was wounded in the war,

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and he wrote a very readable, digestible,

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and personal take on
post-traumatic stress.

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And he's saying that
the first duty is simply

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to acknowledge trauma.

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We're humans, we're
fragile in so many ways,

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and it's called post-traumatic stress

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because it indicates there
was something before.

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It was a normal day, it was a living life,

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and there's this splinter,
this moment in time,

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and the post looks very
different than that.

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And we are then in a position
where we have to start

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to make meaning of that.

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And so that's a good
resource if you're interested

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in diving a little deeper.

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It's hard to see his photo,

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but it was from when I was in Canada,

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and when you talk about
the impacts of trauma,

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it's really a story of
what's going on in your brain

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and those neural pathways.

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So I was in Canada speaking this spring,

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and the last night, they
sent us to an aquarium.

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The speakers and some guests.

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And that night I met a man
who had served 30 years

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in the LAPD, I had spoken at a conference

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for counter-terrorism and resilience

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with our law enforcement
and intelligence agents.

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And so I met this man, 30 years in LAPD.

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I was also visiting with
a woman I had to talked to

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at the conference, who
very openly was a survivor

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of childhood sexual trauma,

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and what she found, she was a stoic, Jeff,

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what she found most
helpful is that she would

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just see things, not
good, not bad, it just is,

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and I give meaning to that.

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You walk outside, it's raining,
it's not, ah, it's raining,

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it's I decide, it's just raining.

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What meaning, what attitude
will I bring to that?

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And then we were walking,
these were beautiful creatures

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swimming over our head,
the green sawtooth fish,

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and I snapped some photos and a video

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because I have a friend
who has a few littles,

16:33.100 --> 16:35.380
and I thought oh, these
kids are gonna really love,

16:35.380 --> 16:38.210
it's just a magical creature.

16:38.210 --> 16:41.540
And so I take this photo and
I get home to send a video

16:41.540 --> 16:44.040
and the audio starts to play.

16:44.040 --> 16:45.777
And it's only six or seven seconds,

16:45.777 --> 16:48.900
I'm not gonna play it
today, it's on YouTube,

16:48.900 --> 16:51.930
but in six or seven seconds
I listened to the audio,

16:51.930 --> 16:54.980
and I think this is the
world's shortest experiment

16:54.980 --> 16:57.580
on the impacts of neural pathways

16:57.580 --> 16:59.960
and how the more we think something,

16:59.960 --> 17:01.950
and you repeat it again and again,

17:01.950 --> 17:04.130
you basically are creating, initially,

17:04.130 --> 17:05.430
country roads in your mind,

17:05.430 --> 17:07.940
and then it can go to super highways,

17:07.940 --> 17:11.170
but we get to do that
work on those pathways.

17:11.170 --> 17:14.640
So we're looking at the very same fish,

17:14.640 --> 17:18.060
and the cops says, "He's frowning, right?"

17:18.060 --> 17:19.807
And right on top of that,
the middle person said,

17:19.807 --> 17:21.547
"Well, I don't know if he's frowning,

17:21.547 --> 17:23.250
"he's just looking at us."

17:23.250 --> 17:27.410
And on top of her, I
said, "He's so happy."

17:27.410 --> 17:29.817
And then I hear her go, "I
don't know if he's happy,

17:29.817 --> 17:31.347
"he's just looking at us."

17:32.380 --> 17:36.890
So three people experiencing
the very same situation,

17:36.890 --> 17:38.610
with three very different takes,

17:38.610 --> 17:41.230
based on how their brain functions.

17:41.230 --> 17:44.220
And so that's an example of the work we do

17:44.220 --> 17:47.273
and why we need to understand
the impacts of trauma.

17:48.460 --> 17:51.370
One of the most helpful,
I think, concepts,

17:51.370 --> 17:53.020
something you can take with you today,

17:53.020 --> 17:55.200
is you can first go around and say okay,

17:55.200 --> 17:57.810
that's trauma, that's trauma,

17:57.810 --> 18:00.200
or that's an expression of need,

18:00.200 --> 18:04.930
and bring a curiosity to
it, an open-minded curiosity

18:04.930 --> 18:07.350
and not, again, focus
on what's wrong with you

18:07.350 --> 18:09.090
or why do you keep doing that?

18:09.090 --> 18:12.323
But what happened to
you, what's your story?

18:14.070 --> 18:17.100
And have that curiosity and
have those conversations,

18:17.100 --> 18:19.200
and start with what do you need?

18:19.200 --> 18:21.490
And sometimes we don't even
know, you'll get I don't know,

18:21.490 --> 18:23.690
I don't even know what I need.

18:23.690 --> 18:25.270
And so then that next question can be

18:25.270 --> 18:27.480
what can I do right now, in this moment,

18:27.480 --> 18:29.940
to improve this relationship?

18:29.940 --> 18:31.660
What can I do right now, in this moment,

18:31.660 --> 18:33.863
to help this person move forward?

18:35.530 --> 18:40.450
It can really shift your
interactions with people

18:40.450 --> 18:43.730
when you come from this
place of that curiosity

18:43.730 --> 18:47.763
of what's his story, the real, full story?

18:49.000 --> 18:50.360
The second core understanding

18:50.360 --> 18:52.020
that I want to communicate today,

18:52.020 --> 18:55.683
is the first pulse to check is your own.

18:58.460 --> 18:59.940
Yes, we wanna help other people,

18:59.940 --> 19:01.530
yes, we wanna hep them calm down,

19:01.530 --> 19:03.900
and when we have behaviors, often we think

19:03.900 --> 19:07.830
behavioral issues, these
are issues of regulation.

19:07.830 --> 19:10.700
They're dysregulated, their
stress response system

19:10.700 --> 19:14.840
has kicked in and a lot of
stuff just follows from that.

19:14.840 --> 19:18.900
You've heard of the
fight, flight or freeze.

19:18.900 --> 19:22.910
And so what we wanna do is make
sure that we are regulated,

19:22.910 --> 19:24.830
we are calm, we are centered.

19:24.830 --> 19:27.107
We have mirror neurons and
the more calm you can be

19:27.107 --> 19:29.650
and the more centered you can be,

19:29.650 --> 19:32.143
the better everybody
around you is going to be.

19:33.527 --> 19:35.253
So what creates resilient teams?

19:36.190 --> 19:38.793
It's calm leaders, it's nourished leaders.

19:39.770 --> 19:41.900
That self-care is an important piece,

19:41.900 --> 19:44.790
because the truth is
that you cannot give away

19:44.790 --> 19:45.933
what you do not have,

19:47.026 --> 19:49.250
and that's why you need to build
your strength and capacity,

19:49.250 --> 19:52.220
and you cannot lead someone else past

19:52.220 --> 19:54.880
your own point of healing.

19:54.880 --> 19:56.600
You can't lead someone
else past your own point

19:56.600 --> 19:57.503
of leadership.

19:59.360 --> 20:02.960
When we teach resilience, we
call this the THRIVE Five.

20:02.960 --> 20:04.890
So in the THRIVE model, THR,

20:04.890 --> 20:06.710
we waited to the resilience piece,

20:06.710 --> 20:09.600
this is our structure within that.

20:09.600 --> 20:11.930
We start with self-care.

20:11.930 --> 20:16.930
Often times, it's either a
PS or not mentioned at all,

20:17.280 --> 20:20.150
but we start in building self capacity.

20:20.150 --> 20:23.003
We do a lot on increasing self awareness,

20:24.230 --> 20:27.070
and increasing our
vocabulary of even knowing

20:27.070 --> 20:28.600
what's going on within us.

20:28.600 --> 20:31.380
And then self-regulation,
how do we keep ourselves

20:31.380 --> 20:33.700
within our, what's called
a window of tolerance,

20:33.700 --> 20:36.380
and how to expand that
window of tolerance.

20:36.380 --> 20:38.180
Absolutely, coping skills are important,

20:38.180 --> 20:40.160
social and relational
skills are important,

20:40.160 --> 20:42.500
and we teach them, but
we can't start there.

20:42.500 --> 20:46.200
We have to start with
getting ourselves regulated.

20:46.200 --> 20:47.860
And know what's going on within us,

20:47.860 --> 20:49.523
and building our own capacity.

20:51.074 --> 20:54.450
I like to say what if your
key job was really keeping

20:54.450 --> 20:57.143
your heart rate at 60 beats per minute?

20:58.210 --> 20:59.400
And there are variations.

20:59.400 --> 21:01.667
My husband's a marathoner,
has been for years and years,

21:01.667 --> 21:04.420
and so he's pretty proud
of his resting heart rate

21:04.420 --> 21:09.240
of 49, or 48, or 47, you
know, but he's proud of it.

21:09.240 --> 21:12.490
There's variations here,
but the rule of thumb,

21:12.490 --> 21:14.930
what can you do to keep your heart rate

21:14.930 --> 21:17.970
and get your heart rate back
down to 60 beats per minute?

21:17.970 --> 21:19.770
And when you're in some situations,

21:19.770 --> 21:21.860
as the General talked about this morning,

21:21.860 --> 21:25.110
your heart rate's not gonna
be at 60 beats per minute.

21:25.110 --> 21:29.800
How do you get back to center
and keep the focus on that?

21:29.800 --> 21:32.090
And this is true, both
within the daily stresses

21:32.090 --> 21:37.090
and interactions, and in
high-stress situations.

21:38.350 --> 21:39.840
And then redefining the basics.

21:39.840 --> 21:42.030
We know that basic
self-care includes physical,

21:42.030 --> 21:43.800
we need our sleep, we need hydration,

21:43.800 --> 21:47.210
we need healthy food, we
need to move our bodies,

21:47.210 --> 21:49.750
but we also, go back to those needs,

21:49.750 --> 21:52.150
we need connection, we
need a sense of belonging,

21:52.150 --> 21:55.500
we need some play time,
we need that purpose

21:55.500 --> 21:57.310
that comes through the work.

21:57.310 --> 22:00.220
And so much of this is built
in within your service,

22:00.220 --> 22:03.540
and so then, this is where
the issues with transitions,

22:03.540 --> 22:05.280
and veterans, and what
we're gonna be talking about

22:05.280 --> 22:07.170
this afternoon comes into play.

22:07.170 --> 22:10.480
And then the third core
understanding is resilience

22:10.480 --> 22:15.113
is more about being resourced
than being resourceful.

22:17.980 --> 22:18.813
I really wanna repeat that,

22:18.813 --> 22:22.080
resilience is more about being resourced

22:22.080 --> 22:23.230
than being resourceful.

22:25.340 --> 22:29.040
I'm guilty of this, I wanna
believe that resilience,

22:29.040 --> 22:31.690
and I did for years
working with competitives,

22:31.690 --> 22:33.237
and I still work with competitives,

22:33.237 --> 22:37.160
and that all goes away when you
truly understand the science

22:37.160 --> 22:40.690
of resilience, but we wanna believe,

22:40.690 --> 22:42.090
because it makes for a better story,

22:42.090 --> 22:45.180
that resilience is about
valor, or it's about grit,

22:45.180 --> 22:49.363
or it's about talent, or it's
about being the exceptional,

22:50.310 --> 22:54.360
when the research shows
that it's more about

22:55.900 --> 22:58.360
being supported and resourced.

22:58.360 --> 23:00.610
And all those internal
factors that are so important,

23:00.610 --> 23:05.540
they're gonna be elevated
when we have that support.

23:05.540 --> 23:07.340
There's a quote here
from Dr. Michael Ungar,

23:07.340 --> 23:10.097
he said, "Rugged individuals
make great television,

23:10.097 --> 23:14.100
"resourced individuals
make great science."

23:14.100 --> 23:16.423
This is what the science shows.

23:17.390 --> 23:20.830
And I was slow to this
party, but I am a scientist

23:20.830 --> 23:23.170
and it is there.

23:23.170 --> 23:25.740
Personal strengths and coping
skills matter, absolutely,

23:25.740 --> 23:29.993
but our relationships and our
resources matter even more.

23:33.040 --> 23:35.840
So we know that your
wellbeing is largely dependent

23:35.840 --> 23:38.396
on the people around you.

23:38.396 --> 23:41.450
A great quote by Brene Brown,
her grandmother told her this

23:41.450 --> 23:42.320
when she was a little girl,

23:42.320 --> 23:43.960
and I'm so glad she shared it forward.

23:43.960 --> 23:46.607
Her grandmother said, "We
don't have to do it all alone,

23:46.607 --> 23:47.937
"we were never meant to."

23:49.350 --> 23:51.710
That's a nice thing to
hang where you can see it

23:51.710 --> 23:53.180
from time to time.

23:53.180 --> 23:56.090
So it's about our relationships
and it's about being

23:56.090 --> 23:59.370
well-resourced, and then
tailoring your resources

23:59.370 --> 24:01.730
to individuals and to culture.

24:01.730 --> 24:05.200
Because if it's not relevant to them,

24:05.200 --> 24:06.350
you're not going to seek them out

24:06.350 --> 24:08.280
and you're not gonna use them.

24:08.280 --> 24:11.193
The other day I was at
the bank, coming here to,

24:11.193 --> 24:13.960
I was transferring some
money internationally,

24:13.960 --> 24:15.900
which just can take a long time.

24:15.900 --> 24:17.820
And so I was visiting
with this personal banker,

24:17.820 --> 24:22.440
I'd never met him before,
and he started conversing,

24:22.440 --> 24:25.110
I told him what we were doing here.

24:25.110 --> 24:28.530
He said he had spent six
years in the Guard, Army,

24:28.530 --> 24:31.700
National Guard, and he said,
while that resilience stuff,

24:31.700 --> 24:34.150
you know, they would talk about it,

24:34.150 --> 24:35.330
and it just kind of seemed like they'd

24:35.330 --> 24:38.350
say the same thing a lot,
so I tuned it out a bit,

24:38.350 --> 24:42.110
but now, looking back, I wish
I had gone to more education.

24:42.110 --> 24:43.850
He goes, but there's one
thing that I did learn

24:43.850 --> 24:45.923
and I remember it to this day.

24:46.840 --> 24:50.290
And he gave the phrase and I
think most of you are familiar,

24:50.290 --> 24:53.590
I know he MTRs teach this,
but hunt for the good stuff.

24:53.590 --> 24:55.570
So there's a science behind what we can do

24:55.570 --> 24:57.890
to fight the negativity bias,

24:57.890 --> 24:59.570
because our brains look for the negative,

24:59.570 --> 25:01.730
because when we were evolving,

25:01.730 --> 25:04.780
it was much better to be
finding the saber-toothed tiger

25:04.780 --> 25:07.740
in the bushes than be looking
at the beautiful sunset,

25:07.740 --> 25:09.500
and so we glom onto the negative,

25:09.500 --> 25:11.850
and the positive bounces off us,

25:11.850 --> 25:13.810
and so we need to have practices.

25:13.810 --> 25:16.240
And so they tailored this to the military

25:16.240 --> 25:18.237
so that that would make more sense to you,

25:18.237 --> 25:21.487
and six years later, he
said, "I still remember that,

25:21.487 --> 25:22.960
"I still use it."

25:22.960 --> 25:24.870
And so all of the training you do,

25:24.870 --> 25:27.480
you have to make sure that it's
landing, that it's relevant,

25:27.480 --> 25:29.890
and you need to have
conversations about that,

25:29.890 --> 25:31.720
because if people are tuning it out,

25:31.720 --> 25:33.360
it's not gonna be much help.

25:33.360 --> 25:35.130
And then the final point
on grit I wanna make

25:35.130 --> 25:38.090
is that post-traumatic
growth that we talk about.

25:38.090 --> 25:42.220
We defined resilience as
the capacity to prepare for,

25:42.220 --> 25:46.653
adapt to, and grow through adversity.

25:47.710 --> 25:49.660
And so it goes all the
way from preparedness

25:49.660 --> 25:52.310
to coping and adapting to that potential

25:52.310 --> 25:53.700
for post-traumatic growth.

25:53.700 --> 25:57.240
That is not a spectrum where
we have post-traumatic stress,

25:57.240 --> 25:58.640
and post-traumatic growth.

25:58.640 --> 26:01.610
Those are not opposite ends,
they can coexist together,

26:01.610 --> 26:05.710
we have a growing research to
show they do coexist together,

26:05.710 --> 26:08.150
that you can be dealing
with trauma and recovery,

26:08.150 --> 26:11.910
and at the same time, you can
be meeting those core needs

26:11.910 --> 26:13.900
and you can be finding
purpose and meaning in that,

26:13.900 --> 26:17.550
and you can use those experiences
as a catalyst for growth

26:17.550 --> 26:19.420
and a catalyst to help others.

26:19.420 --> 26:22.680
Some great stories coming
from Jeff this morning.

26:22.680 --> 26:25.970
And so I wanna make sure that
you're to telling yourself

26:25.970 --> 26:28.480
that those are opposite
ends of the spectrum.

26:28.480 --> 26:31.960
Also wanna give a caveat, a challenge that

26:31.960 --> 26:35.970
it's so important to be walking
the talk with resilience.

26:35.970 --> 26:37.900
I'm sure you probably
can't see this in the back

26:37.900 --> 26:40.130
but it's a supervisor and he's saying,

26:40.130 --> 26:42.230
okay, criticize the
behavior and not the person.

26:42.230 --> 26:44.190
Criticize the behavior, not the person.

26:44.190 --> 26:45.630
He knows what he needs to do,

26:45.630 --> 26:48.550
and he goes in and he said,
the email you sent to everyone

26:48.550 --> 26:53.360
looks as if it had been
written by a monkey on crack.

26:53.360 --> 26:56.150
Just to be clear, you are terrific,

26:56.150 --> 26:59.033
but everything you do is
exactly what a moron would do.

27:01.860 --> 27:04.700
So we can say what we need to say

27:04.700 --> 27:06.370
and we can talk the party line,

27:06.370 --> 27:08.030
but we need to be walking it out.

27:08.030 --> 27:10.070
And I don't know if there's any more area

27:10.070 --> 27:12.530
of human functioning and human resilience

27:12.530 --> 27:15.400
that this matters, well, parenting maybe.

27:15.400 --> 27:19.590
But human resilience, we
have to be really shifting

27:19.590 --> 27:22.510
and really looking at
what are our core beliefs?

27:22.510 --> 27:25.160
So we do a lot of that
self-awareness work.

27:25.160 --> 27:27.040
Because when we were kids,
and we're growing up,

27:27.040 --> 27:29.220
we're on input mode, and
a lot of stuff gets put

27:29.220 --> 27:30.850
into our brains, and a lot of that,

27:30.850 --> 27:32.160
we don't eve know is there,

27:32.160 --> 27:35.690
and it is driving what we
do everyday in relationship

27:35.690 --> 27:37.783
with ourselves and with each other.

27:39.110 --> 27:42.610
And then this, it's
kind of been referenced,

27:42.610 --> 27:44.740
but we all are gonna have
those times in our life

27:44.740 --> 27:47.520
where we are welcomed to a club,

27:47.520 --> 27:49.870
we didn't ask for, we didn't want,

27:49.870 --> 27:51.933
we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy.

27:53.460 --> 27:55.450
For some of those, I
thought when I turned 50,

27:55.450 --> 27:57.060
that was being welcomed
to the club, right?

27:57.060 --> 28:01.210
But when I would turn 51,
we have some bad genetics,

28:01.210 --> 28:04.220
we have some brilliance in
our family and a lot of heart,

28:04.220 --> 28:08.330
but we have genetics that
increase risk of colon cancer,

28:08.330 --> 28:11.290
brain cancer, breast
cancer, prostate cancer,

28:11.290 --> 28:13.810
and we've had some
survivors and we've had some

28:13.810 --> 28:15.710
that we've lost way too early.

28:15.710 --> 28:19.290
So my 17-year-old brother
was a brain cancer survivor

28:19.290 --> 28:20.380
and he went on to be a doctor

28:20.380 --> 28:21.820
because he wanted to help others,

28:21.820 --> 28:25.913
and our three-year-old niece
didn't survive brain cancer.

28:25.913 --> 28:28.940
I lost my mom early, but when I was 51,

28:28.940 --> 28:31.030
just as my sister had been 51,

28:31.030 --> 28:35.710
and I was actually helping
support her 34-year-old daughter,

28:35.710 --> 28:37.563
we all had breast cancer.

28:38.670 --> 28:42.280
And so, I was big at
CrossFit and doing the Murph,

28:42.280 --> 28:44.640
and I couldn't, obviously, do the Murph,

28:44.640 --> 28:46.990
this was 18 months ago,
I went through surgery.

28:48.060 --> 28:51.700
And so these are my five
sisters on one side,

28:51.700 --> 28:52.810
and when I couldn't do the Murph,

28:52.810 --> 28:54.710
we did a breast cancer awareness walk,

28:54.710 --> 28:56.030
and with two of us being survivors

28:56.030 --> 28:59.370
and all of us being advocates,
those were my people,

28:59.370 --> 29:00.660
those are my resources.

29:00.660 --> 29:03.010
And then this year, I
was able to do the Murph,

29:03.010 --> 29:05.610
and I didn't set any
records, but I was there,

29:05.610 --> 29:08.420
and then this is a member
of the gym who came back

29:08.420 --> 29:12.630
after she finished and she
ran me back in that last mile.

29:12.630 --> 29:16.920
And my CrossFit gym, my
coaches were the first people

29:16.920 --> 29:18.720
who showed up at my house,

29:18.720 --> 29:21.970
my sister was there actually,
to help with the drains

29:21.970 --> 29:23.900
and take care of me, right.

29:23.900 --> 29:28.310
I could say I'm a cancer
survivor because I'm oh so tough

29:28.310 --> 29:31.760
or I had the mindset,
but I know it's not true,

29:31.760 --> 29:34.070
from the science and I know
it's not true for my life.

29:34.070 --> 29:36.190
When we're really being real,

29:36.190 --> 29:38.690
we know it's about relationships,

29:38.690 --> 29:40.810
and we know it's about resources,

29:40.810 --> 29:44.880
and I had them so plentiful.

29:44.880 --> 29:48.520
And to that I'm grateful that
this is how we get through

29:48.520 --> 29:50.790
those experiences when
we're welcomed to the club

29:50.790 --> 29:53.560
and we don't wanna be there.

29:53.560 --> 29:57.610
The only way, the only
way forward is through

29:57.610 --> 30:00.820
in a lot of experiences in life.

30:00.820 --> 30:02.820
And we get through that together.

30:02.820 --> 30:05.930
So what story are you writing?

30:05.930 --> 30:09.680
And I am just so honored to play and work

30:09.680 --> 30:11.530
with the people that are here today,

30:11.530 --> 30:14.880
and to win a Warrior
Project for their support,

30:14.880 --> 30:19.380
and who's base has been
just extraordinary.

30:19.380 --> 30:23.710
Your team here has been
extraordinary in planning this event

30:23.710 --> 30:25.380
and taking very good care of us,

30:25.380 --> 30:27.230
so I wanna thank you for that.

30:27.230 --> 30:30.020
But together we stand, and
we ask that question also,

30:30.020 --> 30:33.110
not only our personal story,
but what story are we writing

30:33.110 --> 30:33.943
for our world?

30:34.820 --> 30:37.570
And we are dedicated to working together

30:37.570 --> 30:40.750
to say our story, what we know to be true,

30:40.750 --> 30:42.590
and what we will fight for everyday,

30:42.590 --> 30:46.060
is to create this world
that acknowledges and honors

30:46.060 --> 30:49.143
that we all have a right to thrive.

30:50.370 --> 30:51.950
There's some resources, you can find this

30:51.950 --> 30:54.280
at NationalResilienceInstitute.org.

30:54.280 --> 30:55.680
My personal email is here,

30:55.680 --> 30:59.040
Mollie@NatioanlResilienceIstitute.org.

30:59.040 --> 31:01.068
We're here to help, thank you.

31:01.068 --> 31:02.916
(applauding)