WEBVTT

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(heartening music)

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- Growing up there was
four kids in my family

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and my parents were married
and to the outside world,

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we looked liked a normal family.

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But, behind closed doors
it was a different story,

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it was a nightmare.

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I was molested at six.

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15, I was raped.

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My Dad was super-intense.

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He'd do things like buy us cats and dogs

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and then torture them
to death in front of us.

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Growing up like that I always thought,

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"I am gonna be more than this.

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I am gonna be better than this."

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So I graduated high school and I thought,

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"I'm gonna go make something of myself

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and I'm never lookin' back."

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So I joined the military.

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I got through, I rocked flight school,

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followed on to SERE school, came home,

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and when I got home I
noticed that something

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along the way in my training had been

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an incredible trigger for me.

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So my husband said maybe I should go,

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you know, talk to a
counselor a little bit.

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Which in my mind was super taboo.

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I did not wanna affect my military career.

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So amongst all this I
started doing treatment,

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an intensive outpatient treatment.

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Basically my job was to
go to counseling all day.

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I actually started
getting a little bit worse

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and I didn't wanna tell
anybody that it wasn't working,

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so rather than tell anybody,
I got to my breaking point.

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I couldn't go home.

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I couldn't go to work.

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I didn't wanna be around my family.

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I couldn't work out.

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I was absolutely ashamed of the things

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that had happened in the past.

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I couldn't go to sleep 'cause
I had nightmares constantly.

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Every day was just torment,
it was physical torment

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'cause the side effects
of the PTSD, it was awful.

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After counseling one day
I just got to a place

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where I didn't have any hope.

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I was just done.

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I went home that night
with the intent of suicide.

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I was done.

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I feel like being military we're doers,

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that we wanna do something about it.

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So my something was to just turn it off.

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I just wanted everything to stop.

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There was nothing, nothing was worth

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what I was going through every day.

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So God intervened and I'm still here

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but I still struggled with it day-to-day.

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I struggled with the idea of
maybe I could find some peace

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if I just turned this off.

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So I finally realized that I
should probably tell someone

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that I was thinking that.

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So I told the Colonel DeLin.

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Said "I've been really thinking
about the easy way out."

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And he said, "We're gonna
get you the help you need.

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We're gonna figure it out.

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I'm gonna bring in some of our friends

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and tell them what's going on

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and that you need some support."

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And the more I realized that
I wasn't broken for good,

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the more I realized
that I could be helped,

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the easier it got to tell my story,

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and the easier it got to get up each day.

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From my perspective, the Commanders were

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so instrumental in my success.

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If they had pushed me away, I don't know

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how I would have dealt with it.

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I don't think I would have
been able to deal with it.

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They were my support and
my lifeline through this.

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They fought to keep me on a fly status.

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They fought to get me
back in the airplane.

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They fought to get me
back to my full potential

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so I could do my job.

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I honestly owe my life to my
Commanders and to the DPH.

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They carried me through this.

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I really want people to know that

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struggling with mental health,
having a mental illness,

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whether it's PTSD, whatever it is,

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it doesn't have to be
the end of your career.

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The Air National Guard's the reason

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I had the resources to
get through all this.

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They are what got me connected
with the right counselors

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and what helped me to realign
when I was struggling.

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They were my family through everything.

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I can honestly testify
that treatment works

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and the more you stick with it

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and have support through it,
it really can get you through.

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Whatever you're dealing with,
whatever that is to you,

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that's your struggle and
how that effects you,

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it's not gonna be the same as anyone else.

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So say something.

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Go get help before it becomes too big.

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If you're going through a divorce,

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if you're going through
financial hardships,

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there's resources out there
to support you through that.

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So reach out, that's why they're there.

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(booming)